Bread Crumbs: Random Bits

I was privy to a mixed early report on the new Thai Bamboo from eager beaver Alex and his significant other, Steve. Alex said his Pad Thai was "excellent" and "just what I was hoping for" and commented that the decor was "wild...over the top."

Steve, on the other hand had never eaten Thai, and somehow expected that his Cashew Chicken was supposed to be a noodle dish. When it arrived without noodles, he thought they'd forgotten them. He said he waited "half an hour" (um, I doubt it) before the server returned to explain that the Cashew Chicken did NOT actually involve noodles, but offered to bring him some anyway after he threw down a queeny bitch trip. "I was so upset, I wasn't even hungry anymore. I was practically in tears" he over-dramatized to me later that evening.

I'm leaning heavily toward Alex's viewpoint, since Steve is notoriously persnickety and his opinion counts for naught (just kidding, Steve, you can put your claws away now). I'm letting the place cool down a week or two before I finally make my way in there to indulge in Swimming Rama and write the place up. Can't wait!

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As if Jamba Juice weren't already truly fantastic enough, they've got some exciting new things they'll be throwing into the mix toward the end of the month. My favorite morning Jamba Juicemistress (oh, I'm bad with names sometimes) filled me in this morning with some good news. They're adding a bunch of new "breakfast smoothies" that have added goodies like banana chunks and granola to create some thicker drinks that are filling enough to act as the most important meal of the day. Bonus! They're bringing in some new baked goods as well including mini-loaves of honey zucchini bread. Honey zucchini bread. Honey zucchini bread. Yum.

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Also in the healthy-yet-somehow-still-delicious department is the deli at Pilgrim's Market on 4th. When, I popped in the other day to pick up some Ginger-Lemon Yogi Tea, my tummy started a-rumbling so I strolled through the deli aisle, poking and prodding until I finally decided on an organic hummus wrap, which was also, without a doubt, an orgasmic hummus wrap (sorry).

It was so deliciously satanic with garlic that afterwards at karaoke, I felt truly sorry for whomever had to deal with the microphone after I was through gassing it. The fresh onion wore the mask and pointed the gun, and the crisp lettuce, avocado, and sun dried tomato drove the getaway car. For four dollars, all I had to do was throw in a mini-size cheddar Kettle Chips and I was fully satisfied for a mere crispy Lincoln.

They also serve wraps and sandwiches with organic meats, egg salad and tuna salad, and they offer a bazillion other good-for-your-spleen deli specialties. Oh, and if you hadn't heard, they're expanding into the old Liquidation World spot next door, and if they're smart, they'll put in a nice little cafe with a seating area.

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Once a week, the mailman stuffs my box with a handful of fast food and pizza ads that usually go directly into the fireplace. This week, I kinda peeked by accident and what did I see but an Arby's ad touting the new fish sandwich. All you have to do is tell me something is new and I'm right on it.

|The verdict: Folks, don't waste your $2. The previously frozen fish was room temperature, mushy-mushy and flavorless, possibly not cooked long enough despite the golden brown exterior. Mysterious then, that the cheese slice was melted beyond all reasonable recognition. Only one thing can explain this sad state of affairs: the microwave. Ugh!

To make the situation even more sickening, they had the nerve to slip a slimy tomato slice all up in that white-ass, tartar-soaked bun. Oh no you didn't! I sho 'nuff didn't see no DAMN tomato in that coupon magazine! Recommendation: stick with Micky D's for a good old fashioned Filet-o-Fish.

Get Out! Best of North Idaho 2007

It seems like 2007 disappeared faster than a fresh tray of Kung Pao Chicken at the Top of China Buffet. It’s already that time of year again when we all look back and reflect a bit on the last twelve months: the good and the hard times, the gourmet meals and the rotten corn dogs, the nights out and the days spent recovering from them. It’s a good time to take note of some of the highlights of the past year in the local food, music and arts scene. So without further ado, I present to you my completely arbitrary, random list of things that made it tolerable to live in North Idaho during 2007.

Most Creative Local Rock Band: Coeur d’Alene’s Kite have been amazing Inland Northwest audiences for over ten years with a sound that is distinctly soaring and melodic with an intriguingly artsy air. I caught them earlier this year at a benefit gig and was awed by the urgency and intense display of creative energy these guys seem to effortlessly conjure up. The band is currently in the studio working on the follow-up to 2006’s brilliant Sleeping in Thunder album, which will see release early in 2008.

Naughtiest Onion Rings: There are some pretty decadent deep fried goodies out there in the culinary scene, but none will send you to the cardiologist faster than the clumpy, crumbly onion rings at the Paul Bunyan Drive In on Northwest Blvd. They have to double bag these babies so the hot grease doesn’t soak through and ruin your car interiors. Must be consumed with surreal amounts of dip.

Most Smartest Torch Lounge Dancer of the Year: Violet truly knows how to wriggle and writhe her way around a silver pole wearing nothing but a tiny thong bikini and six-inch platform heels, yet she also holds a degree in Child Development from North Idaho College. Naturally, she's a Gemini, her double nature reflected not only in her bipolar career paths, but also in her bisexuality and her ability to do long division whilst dramatically reinterpreting the music of Marilyn Manson and simultaneously thrusting her ladybusiness into the faces of drooling, horny men. Quel génie!

Coolest Concept That Could Use A Little Work: I really liked what the organizers of the first Coeur d’Alene film festival were trying to do, screening indie films that would have otherwise never been seen by local moviegoers. Problem was, many people were reluctant to spend the $125 for all access tickets (or the $9 for individual tickets) – to me, not a realistic price for low-budget amateur films. Also, the films were scattered all over town with not enough time to make it from one venue to the next between films and causing much confusion for the out-of-towners. If they can keep things more centrally located and make the entry fees more affordable they might be on to something special.

Tastiest Local Microbrew: I had the pleasure of touring the Laughing Dog Brewery up in Ponderay last summer and was schooled by owner Fred Colby on the intricacies of crushing the grain, sparging the mash, and boiling the wort. I’d never really thought about the process, and it was amazing to learn that beer doesn’t just magically appear on the shelf in the grocery store cooler. Even more amazing was their wonderful Huckleberry Cream Ale, a light and sweet but hearty brew they let me repeatedly sample on site. Good stuff.

Best Lunch On A Very Tight Budget: It’s lunchtime but you’re totally broke. Dig in your couch cushions and you’ll likely come up with enough funds for the totally satisfying 3 for $1.19 hot dog special at Gittel’s Grocery at Gov’t Way and Harrison. These dogs are perfectly plumped in an old-fashioned wiener-rotating machine and the buns are steamed. What more do you need?

Wildest Karaoke Night: Marj Hopkins is the Karaoke Queen of the Corner Bar on 4^th Street in Cd’A. Four nights a week, she’s the calm in the center of the hurricane of tipsy warblers that pack the fusty former Fran’s Regina. Everyone from frat boys to chain-smoking old broads sign up to sing here, and you’re likely to witness mind-warping performances of everything from “Amazing Grace” to “Sweet Transvestite.” The more people that sing, the more people need a drink to deal with it. The more people drink, the more likely they are to sing. It’s a depraved spiral into the karaoke abyss.

Freakiest Breakfast Waitresses: Not to be too unkind, but a few of the juicier descriptive terms that pop into mind when pondering the gals who sling plates up at CdA's northside breakfast mecca the Rockin' Robin include fried, grizzled, sizzled, smoked out, coked out and choked out. The food is always incredibly dank, stick-to-your-ribs good and you have to love a place that refers to the pancakes as Pips (as in Gladys Night) and features an omelet called "The Supremes". The waitresses are equally as retro, apparently suspended in a world where it's okay to wear Christmas balls as earrings and eye makeup that would make even the late, great Tammy Faye blanch. Plus, their you'll-get-your-maple-syrup-when-I-damn-well-feel-like-it attitude and sassy coffee-buzz wit will either leave you in stitches or leave them needing stitches after you lose your cool and attack them with your fork. You'll love them anyway and they'll keep you coming back.

Most Interesting Popular Dance Craze: Robin Campbell spends Tuesday evenings upstairs at the old VFW Hall on 4^th Street in Coeur d’Alene teaching Argentine tango dancing to people presumably far more energetic and coordinated than myself. It’s an hour of lessons, then another hour of hardcore tangoing. When you get really good at it, you might want to mambo down to the Shore Lounge in the Cd’A Resort on Wednesdays and check out their Salsa night with DJ Brentano. Olé!

Most Beloved C-Store Clerk: Old Joe has been sitting behind the register at the Zips Stop on 7th and Sherman peering out from behind those glasses that make his eyes all googly and big since before anyone can remember. He knows pretty much everything about everyone who've come into the store more than twice and will chat for hours in that gritty, gravelly voice of his. He's seen it all before and is completely unflappable, not even flinching when you come in to purchase eight 40's of Old E, a box of condoms and a fresh can of WD-40. Trust me, I know.


Most Addictive Jamba Juice Flavor: Alright, it isn’t exclusively a local thing, but I couldn’t imagine life without a power size Matcha Green Tea Smoothie with a Green Caffeine Blast at least three mornings a week. It tastes exactly like my favorite sweet green tea ice cream they serve at Japanese Restaurants and provides a clean caffeine wallop smoother and stronger than coffee or soda. Problem is, my desk sits empty half the day – green tea is a natural and very strong diuretic.

Best Kept Local Radio Secret: Have you ever been driving in downtown Coeur d’Alene, scanning the radio and you’re surprised to suddenly hear some left-of-center music like Pixies or the Meat Puppets? Try to find the station again later and it’s gone or maybe moved somewhere else on the dial. If you’ve experienced this phenomenon, you’ve stumbled upon Coeur d’Alene’s ultra cool pirate radio station. It’s an utter mystery who runs it, but word is if you leave CDs on a certain spot atop a certain c-store sign, they’ll fetch them and play them on the air no matter what the content. By the way, if you work for the FCC, you never saw this.

Bravest Theater Production: Stodgier season ticket holders and manly men worried about exactly how far Cd’A Summer Theatre would take their production of “The Full Monty”, which is famous for it’s depiction of average working men getting naked and dancing for money. Our own Dave Oliveria nervously wondered on Huckleberries Online “Is ‘The Full Monty’ too edgy for Cd’A?” The quick answer was no, it was a huge hit and a rollicking good time, complete with Ellen Travolta’s unforgettably grand performance as jaded showbiz vet Jeanette.

Coolest Vinyl-Only Record Store: OK, the ONLY vinyl-only record store in town actually. Unified Groove Merchants' Cd'A store magically appeared this year across the way from the fairgrounds after the owner ran out of space in the original Spokane location. Looking for a rare Velvet Underground bootleg or a pristine copy of the Beatles' Revolver album? Bingo! Plus thousands of other LP collector's goodies from all eras of music. I lost six hours here one day digging through box after endless box of random, unorganized 45's and still never saw them all. Come with lots of cash and prepare to leave exhausted.

Most Delicious Donuts and Pastries: Somehow when I did my infamous write-up of the deli at Peterson’s Family Foods (formerly Sherman IGA), I forgot to mention their luscious baked goods. The maple bars, apple fritter and French crullers are made fresh daily in small, exclusive batches and are worth getting up early for, because if you don’t they’ll be all gone.

Best Suggestion For A Get Out Column: I enjoy the emails I occasionally receive from local photographer extraordinaire George Goetzman. I was looking for something to inspire this week’s column and I found it in my inbox much thanks to George who wrote “I think you should have a ‘best of’ column sometime. It could include best bloody Mary, best porter on tap, etc. In other words, the best of your eating and drinking pleasures.” Good idea, eh? George goes on to offer his ideas for winners in a few sandwich categories, and they’re insightful enough to include here. He writes: “Best tuna melt: Java on Sherman. Have it on whole wheat. Although my stepdaughter thinks the best tuna melt is at Bella Rose. It has lemony hints in it. Best French dip: Moon Time. Hands down. With caramelized onions, and creamy horseradish sauce. It's over the top. Best patty melt: Rustler's Roost. A patty melt, like a Reuben, has to be kind of greasy with a lot of dripping sauce. Woody does 'em good. I think they come on Rye. You need to add mustard. Best grilled cheese: Java on Sherman. Have it on sourdough. It's not called a grilled cheese on the menu, it's called Bill's Favorite.”

Jamba Juice

Jamba Juice
202 W. Ironwood Dr. Suite E
Coeur d'Alene
(208) 664-3206

www.jambajuice.com


It's one of those mornings when as soon as you crack a crusty eye and become vaguely aware you're awake you just want to die. Every noise is like thunder, every ray of daylight is like a shocking flash of lightning. Your mouth tastes like the floor in the break room at the cigarette factory. Memories are fuzzy, but you vaguely recall kissing that prince (or was it a frog?) before you downed the last of your martini and caught a cab home before somehow stumbling into bed.

You say to yourself "Oh good grief, I need to get on a health kick or something before I drop dead." You need to get some serious rejuvenation rolling. A visit to the day spa is too spendy and feels like cheating, anyway. You simply don't have the energy for the gym or to even get off the couch, for that matter. I've got the perfect solution for your predicament: you need a big, cold Jamba Juice smoothie to replenish the essential vitamins that you ran your body dry of in the course of your shameless overindulgence.

According to one of the handy info pamphlets they leave out for customers, each Jamba contains 3-6 servings of fruit in one go. Each is available with a variety of different "boosts", which are vitamins and minerals formulated to add a punch of protien, energy, or immunity. Many of the drinks served here are "functional", like the tangy, Vitamin-C and Zinc packed "Coldbuster." More exotic is the "Acai Supercharger", which along with a whammy of good 'ol caffiene (via guarana), contains the strong antioxidant "Acai juice." The way the menu describes some of these unusual ingredients leaves you with the impression that someone at the Jamba Juice company spent years crawling through the bushes of South America looking for undiscovered miracle produce, just for us. "Matcha" is another one, a type of organic green tea that you can try in smoothie form or as a gnarly little green shot with soymilk, kind of like an espresso from Venus. Also, for those who crave the taste of fresh-mowed lawn, wheatgrass shots are available.

Although generally good for you, and always refreshing, many of the smoothies are not neccessarily low on calories. The "Jamba Classics" like "Carribean Passion" or "Razzamatazz" are made with huge scoops of sherbert and yogurt - a large cup packs 600-700 calories, or about the same as a good slice of turtle cheesecake. Chocolate is no stranger to these parts, either, with the "Chocolate Moo'd" smoothie that gives the illusion of being nutritious while tasting like an old fashioned milkshake. Along with it's evil twin, the "Peanut Butter Moo'd", these are the most decadent items available here, weighing in at over 900 calories each, for a large.

However, they've recently introduced the "all fruit" smoothie menu and the "Jamba Light" menu, which contain Splenda and whey protein and taste just as good, especially the addictive "Mango Mantra." A few years ago, I went to the best Chinese place in Chinatown, San Francisco, and they served a mango dessert that tasted almost exactly like the "Mango Mantra"- rich, creamy and delicious. These smoothies come in at between 200-300 calories, so they are basically guilt-free. My main Jamba favorite is the "Orange Dream Machine" which is a great breakfast substitute with 18 grams of protein, a days worth of vitamin C, and a yummy creamsicle vibe. Throw in an energy boost, and I'm set until dinnertime.

Fruit smoothies here are the main gig, but they do have a small selection of baked goods at the counter, and the ones I've tried were very good. The blueberry-bran mini loaves pack enough raw fiber to keep things moving very smooth, if you know what I mean. There's a shelf with a random variety of items for sale: juice books, logo t-shirts, on-the-go sippy cups, an actual juicer. I enjoy the atmosphere inside Jamba Juice. The decor is lite-90's modern with a happy clash of avocado green, pale orange, and bright purple walls mixed with clean, natural wood floors and fixtures. It's a small place with minimal seating, but most people get their smoothies to go.

From my experience, the service is always good here. I'm normally in a rush when I pop in, with only a few moments to spare on my way to work. Lines and delays are rare, and I'm usually in and out within 5 minutes. The staff are always perky and polite and even though I only visit every few weeks, the cashier remembers my first name when I order. One thing that annoys me about some places like this is the bored looking teens that stand around and talk trash instead of doing their jobs. Not here - these kids are quiet, clean, fast, and efficient, doing whatever magic thing it is they do back there with all those blenders and other machines. If they make too much smoothie to fit it all in your cup, they'll pour the extra in a small cup and give it to you as well. They always only remove the bottom part of the straw wrapper when they stick in your cup, leaving the top part wrapped and sanitary - a nice touch!