North Idaho's Most Interesting...Burgers

Having recently indulged in a bit of Schmidty's love (see full review), now seems like as good a time as any to pop out a list delving into that most gorgeous and versatile of American culinary staples, the burger. From a Mickey D's lowly atomic hockey puck to a $38 gourmet specimen made with beef from cows that were hand massaged by naked and sweaty Japanese men and sprinkled with white truffles, we carnivores simply cannot resist the savory flavor of a hamburger patty piled with various random other accouterments and stuck in a bun.

As you may have already gathered, there are plenty of unique and noteworthy burgers to be found right up here in ye olde Idaho panhandle. By the way, I'm skipping over a popular 107-year-old downtown CdA burger joint. Too obvious, and while beloved and delicious (especially with gobs of that spicy ketchup and mustard), just kinda basic.

Cut to five blocks east from that particular establishment and sashay into Scratch (501 Sherman Ave, CdA) for a Snake River Farms Kobe Burger, eight hefty ounces of tender, fatty beef. At $16, it also comes with the heftiest price tag of any burger I could find in the area. The fancy doesn't stop with the meat. Balsamic onions, goat cheese, marinated tomato, and baby spinach also make an appearance between this one's buns. Shoot, that almost sounds healthy or something. If I'm going to plop down that much cash for burger, I want something that's going to make me reach for the Lipitor.

Like the music of Tom Waits, Gouda cheese is kind of an acquired taste, and I've got a lot of love for both. A nice Gouda can emit an odor reminiscent of an unwashed sock that's been through a hardcore workout or two, if you know what I mean. Once you make it past that particular pungency barrier, it has a rich, nutty flavor that likely serves as a perfect compliment to the sauteed onions, bacon, and spicy BBQ sauce it joins on the Gouda Ciabatta Burger served at MickDuff's Brewing Co. (312 North First Ave, Sandpoint). Ah, yes. Umami overload alert!

Nosworthy's Sluggo Burger

Nosworthy's Hall of Fame (4045 N Govt Way CdA) features the pork-a-riffic Sluggo Burger decribed on their menu as "piled high with ham & bacon. Clugston's favorite - formerly known as the Miss Piggy" ($10.50). I don't know who this Clugston fellow is, but I have a feeling Miss Piggy wouldn't be too happy about the rename, and if he has anything to do with that decision, he ought to be expecting a "Hi-ya" karate chop to the knees. But looking at this photo of the beast itself, with its healthy pile of delicious pork products, maybe she should just be thankful she's not involved anymore.

I remember one hazy summer evening when I was about 8 years old and my grandmother, hearing sirens and spotting smoke in the sky coming from the general downtown area, dragged me by the hand to the corner of 4th & Sherman where a large crowd was already gathered. Disaster! Our favorite store Woolworth's was a blazing inferno, all our comforting retail memories going up in clouds of smoke into the sky before our very eyes. The remaining rubble was eventually razed and replaced by a tiny park.

For some reason or another, the Corner Cafe in Post Falls (203 E Seltice Way) has a burger named after this long-ago incident. The Woolworth Fire Burger is a 1/3 pound burger, topped with onion straws, pepper jack, jalapenos, with pickle, lettuce, and tomato, and mayo ($8.59). So it has a few jalapenos and some wussy-ass pepper jack thrown on it. That heat could never match the actual Woolworth fire heat that melted all the 45 RPM records and turned all the magazines and comic books into ash. No, I'm sure makes for quite a tasty meal.

For you smarty pants that don't indulge in the sweet pink flesh of dead animals, Trinity at City Beach (58 Bridge St, Sandpoint) has you covered with their Root Vegetable Burger. Seven kinds of roots, walnuts and spices, breaded and fried on a fresh toasted Kaiser roll with jalapeno mayo, pickled red onions, spinach and Gouda cheese. ($10.50) Is Gouda cheese a happening trend? Anyway, this sounds delicious even for bloodthirsty creature eaters like myself.

Another menu item at Trinity that has my teeth juices flowing is the Popper Burger, described as an "all beef patty grilled & topped with sliced fresh jalapenos, cream cheese, cilantro, fresh squeezed lime juice and honey chipotle mayo on a toasted burger bun." ($11) Oh no they better don't! With this masterstroke of genius, they've managed to combine two of my favorite guilty pleasures: a fat ass burger and the always addictive jalapeno popper. I'm even willing to forgive their use of 2007's old buzzword "chipotle" and wrap my tongue around this burger anytime.

Penny's Pit's The Gosman

I've yet to actually visit Penny's Pit Pub & Lounge (14319 Hwy 53, Rathdrum), but following them on facebook is like a parade of amazingly creative, gigantic burgers that make me want to gas up and head up north to Rathdrumville. Most notable (for sheer size at least) is The Gosman ($12.59). This burger was apparently masterminded by a brilliant customer by that name. I was so impressed my this creation that I tried facebook stalking this Gosman guy to tell him he deserves the Nobel Peace Prize for Burger Insanity, but alas I couldn't find him.

I mean, look at it! Double patties, double bacon, fried egg, onion rings, fire buffalo sauce, bleu cheese dressing, jalapeno, handful of fries, double pepper jack cheese, and Penny's house sauce. How do they expect anyone besides a water buffalo to even begin taking a bite of that beautiful pile of calories? I will need a knife, fork, small shovel, 31 napkins, and several take out boxes, but damn it, finishing a Gosman burger is high on my bucket list and I know I can do it!

Wallace's Fainting Goat (316 Bank St) puts a twist into the boring old basic burger scene by venturing outside of the beef realm and into the elk. Personally, I've always been a bit standoffish about wild game meats. Gamey tastes turn me off and also, I'm still suffering from the childhood trauma of dealing with poor Bambi's Mom, taken out brutally by an off-screen hunter for the sake of what? To be served with a side of brussel sprouts and Rice-a-Roni? Not right.

Anyway, I'd be willing to face my fears and try out Fainting Goat's Elk Sliders - 3 sliders served on homemade steak rolls with sweet & spicy tomato jam and baby arugula ($11). I had to Google "steak rolls" (sort of fatter, flatter hot dog buns), and the tomato jam sounds just piquant enough to cover any suspicious gaminess. Very sorry, Bambi's Mom (did she even have a name?). I think your mystery hunter might be winning me over after all.

Michael D's Eatery

Michael D's (203 CdA Lake Dr, CdA) is known primarily for their ultra dank breakfast platters (three cheers for the Honnell Special!), but they do remain open until 2 pm and they've got some terrific lunch items on the menu as well. I've enjoyed several of their burgers, and they do them well, but there's one that makes my eyebrows twitch and go true north on my face.

The Marsala Burger carries this explanation: "Smothered in mushrooms marinated with Marsala wine and creamy American cheese" ($11.50). Mmmkay. I love mushrooms and in certain contexts I love American cheese and I most certainly LOVE Marsala wine. But I'm having a hard time with the idea of putting these particular flavor profiles together with a burger on a bun.

Wine and cheese are great together but pairing the oak-y booze taste of Marsala with the artificially creamy taste of plastic-wrapped orange slices of cheese just makes my mind blip a little. Maybe it's some of that frou-frou fancy American cheese (it must exist).Here's a case of -try-it-and-see, which I will do sometime, and I expect it to work like anything else Michael D's does, quite fantastically.

I wouldn't want to leave you without giving you a virtual whiff of the stank of pure onion breath. All the way out in East Hope, Sweet Lou's (477272 N Hwy 95) is serving up the AWN-YAWN and hard in the form of it's aptly named Ultimate Onion Burger ($9.99). Ground steak patty with fried onions, pickled onions, and smoked onion ranch with jack cheese. Why stop there? Let's throw on some Jack-n-the-Box onion rings, maybe a few of those pickled baby onions you put in cocktails, some Funyons for crunch, and a bowl of French Onion soup to dip it all in. No, I love onions so to me this is like cake to a chubby kid. Wait, Onion Cake. Let's slap a slice of that on there too.

Red Bowl Fresh Grilled

Red Bowl Fresh Grilled
1650 W Appleway, Coeur d'Alene
(208) 676-9340

It's perhaps a smidge on the perplexing side that an eatery advertising itself under the moniker Red Bowl serves all their items in plastic black bowls. The situation conjures up several ponderous questions. Does the plastic bowl wholesaler charge an extra .02 per for the red ones? Was the name "Black Bowl" somehow too morbid and un-cheery or was it already trademarked by a bowling alley with a African-American History theme? Did they at one point consider the name "Green Bowl" but thought better after realizing they might be mistaken for a medical marijuana dispensary?

We may never know the reason, but after a couple of trips to Coeur d'Alene's Red Bowl Fresh Grilled, located deep inside Goodie's Conoco gas station/c-store, I've concluded that it wouldn't really matter if their food was served in Pistachio Puke or Burnt Hair Ochre colored bowls, it would still be pretty darn okay.

Speaking of ungodly color happenings, Red Bowl lives in the former shell of a Taco Time outlet, and while they've applied some red linoleum atop the main counter, and splashed some red paint on the walls surrounding the order area, the cupboards in the kitchen are still neon Taco Time lime green. This vibratingly optical color combo was giving me  a mild case of vertigo as I stood at the order counter the first time trying to decide what was what for lunch. Another noted decor tragedy is the appropriate-of-nothing rack of small silk flowerpots for sale near the soda machines. No thanks, I'll buy grandma's birthday present down the street at Tuesday Morning instead.

Yakisoba, rice bowls, and stir-fry combo plates make up the bulk of the Red Bowl menu board. I've described it to friends as sort of a poor man's Noodle Express, but in actuality that makes the place sound significantly more ghetto than it really is, at least food wise. All the staples of this sort of fast-Asian grill are here, a few dozen options overall with no major surprises, none at all, really.

I do appreciate that they cater to people who don't make up their minds so easily (pointing to myself) by offering three combo plates that include a couple of different entrees - Chicken & Short Ribs, Chicken & Spicy Pork, Short Ribs & Spicy Pork ($7.99 per plate). Okay, not an amazing variety of options there, but as an entry point into the world of Red Bowl, it seemed like the right thing to do, so I ordered a #6 (Chicken & Spicy Pork) to go.

When the counter girl disappeared into the the back somewhere and I heard some sizzling and clacking spatula action, I realized that everything was being whipped up from scratch, rather than served out of a metal heat-lamp-fueled bin of some kind. In fact, all the old Taco Time gear in the front part of the kitchen is just sitting there totally out of commission. Everything goes on behind the scenes now, so I suppose all the cooking cacophony could be just an elaborate fake-out and in reality, everything they serve up comes from the frozen foods section of Grocery Outlet. You know, those little microwaveable black plastic bowls.

I think not. My maiden meal from Red Bowl was pretty darn good - both the chicken and and pork were fresh and tender, served Teriyaki-style with a nice, tight ball of white rice and a pile of salad-y veggies. It was good enough to warrant a return visit, this time with Jesi B., and with the intention of actually sitting down at a table to dine and bathe in the luminescent ambiance of a busy quickie mart at noontime. Red Bowl is certainly not the kind of place you'd want to suggest for a meeting with your high society friends, but we were quite entertained by the crowd nonetheless - a dozen-or-so buff and burly Avista utility men who had arrived for lunch at the same time as us. Bonus!

This time around, I decided on the Shrimp Yakisoba ($7.99) and it was quite scrumptious with large florets of non-soggy broccoli, carrots, and lots of big, tasty shrimp. Eight bucks seems to me like it's just a tad pricier than some of the other places that serve this sort of thing, but we got a heaping ton of food, and it was well worth every Roosevelt dime spent. In addition to the main course, I split an order of potstickers ($3.99) with Jesi, and these did actually give the impression they were imported from the freezer section. They weren't terrible though, and I suppose there's only so much one can do with a potsticker. Still, we devoured everything, and left feeling satiated and blissfully a-bloat.

Last week, I returned for another dose of Red Bowl - I needed to give it another whirl before I could form a final opinion, desperately (okay, maybe I'm a little hooked). The Crispy Chicken Plate ($6.99) and a perfectly adequate egg roll ($2.99) tilted the decision all the way over into yes! territory. They could and should refer to it as Chicken Katsu on the menu, because that's really what it is, and Chicken Katsu is one of my most beloved Hawaiian plate lunch items. I love the pounded-down thinness of the chicken meat, coated in that crunchy deep-fried coating and served with that tangy, ketchup-and-Worcestershire based sauce that's so yummy when it gets all mixed into the white rice. Heaven!

On the whole, Red Bowl won't win any Idaho Cuisine magazine Fork-in-Cork awards for its posh atmosphere, but it is a great place to pop in and grab a convenient, appetizing and very filling meal. And where else in town can one pick up a case of Natural Ice beer, a copy of the National Enquirer, and a jumbo-size box of Junior Mints on the way out the door after chowing down on a black plastic bowl full of Tofu Yakisoba?

El Paisa Mexican Food

El Paisa Mexican Food
1801 N Lincoln Way, Coeur d'Alene
(208) 704-8775

Driving absentmindedly north on Lincoln Way one afternoon last month, my wandering eye was caught by a bunch of balloons bobbling in the afternoon breeze, tied to a sandwich board bearing the image of a hungry,  pissed-off looking Bramha Bull. Once I realized what it all meant, I had to roll my eyes so hard I nearly swerved off the road. Lordy lord. It was yet another Mexican restaurant in a town with eleventy thousand Mexican Restaurants. Sometimes it seems like another new one pops up somewhere every few weeks, and I haven't been terribly impressed with the majority of them lately (Taco Loco, you do rock).

Still, I was curious to investigate, since somehow the newsflash regarding El Paisa's sudden appearance on the Coeur d'Alene food scene never crossed the Get Out North Idaho radar. Problem was, I'd actually just eaten lunch and wasn't I remotely grumbly in the tummy for some taqueria nuevo action. I decided to just run in and give it a quick the re-furbed former Donut House a looky-loo and grab a copy of their take-out menu for future reference.

It was around 11 a.m. when I popped in, and the eatery was fully devoid of customers. I sorta got the eerie feeling that they'd only had their door open for business for a couple of hours max, and I was probably one of the first faces they'd seen come through, ever. I was greeted by three desperate, anticipatory smiles and a booming, warm "hola, bienvenida a mi amigo!" from owner/chef Francisco Padilla, who along with (I'm assuming) his wife and the cash register girl, gave up their counter lean immediately and snapped into action for me.

Oh, I'm just grabbing a take out menu real quick", I stammered, but they seemed so deflated that I gave a quick glance up at the menu board and said "um, actually, on second thought I think I'll get a glass of Horchata." Mmm, horchata. I can never pass up an opportunity to order a glass of the refreshing, candy-like Mexican beverage.

From where I was standing on the other side of the counter, I watched the Senorita do something I haven't seen very often, if ever. I watched her make horchata by hand, pouring the rice milk into a little pitcher and then blending in the vanilla, cinnamon and sugar right there on the spot. No dispenser-type machinery involved. Plus, she did it with a giant smile, as if she were putting on a little happy show for an audience of one in an attempt to impress me and ensure that I would return someday soon to actually dine on food.

It was a magnificent beverage, and the experience put El Paisa at the forefront of my brain until two days later, when I was able the first of many comebacks. On my earlier breeze-in, I hadn't really had the chance to absorb the random nature of the ornamentation cluttered around the walls. In the most charming way possible, it looks as if someone's dear abuelita spent an afternoon scouring the downtrodden art bins of every Salvation Army and Goodwill in the suburban barrios of San Diego.

There's a couple of framed tourist posters that, upon close inspection, reveal themselves to be images of the Greek Isles instead of Mexico. There's a kitschy black velvet painting of a psychedelic toreador that will certainly frighten children and the elderly. A photograph of a boring tiger, some unidentifiable brass hangy-thing, several Country Living 80's ceramic and/or toll-painted pictures of country cottages. It's a bit like a compendiary history of tragic and forgotten mortgage office decorating trends, late-20th-century edition.

Who cares, I suppose? One has to start somewhere and what they had going on was way better than the visual impression left by my first visit to another new Cd'A Mexican Restaurant, Atilano's, who had electrical wires coming out of open socket boxes and swashes of red paint all willy nilly on the walls to cover up any evidence of the dead KFC it took over from (note: Atilano's has since "decorated" a bit more). Anyway, El Paisa is utterly spotless otherwise, if not a touch utilitarian and cold with it's slate grey tables, chairs and nubby carpet..

There's nothing chilly about the service at El Paisa, each of the half-dozen times I've come in, they've been nothing less than engaging. It's always the husband and wife, and sometimes the counter girl, who is frankly the only one who'd likely be able to muster up much of a score on the ACT Combined English/Writing test. It happens like this: you order with her, and she shouts your order back to the other two in Español and they snap rapidly into action.

The times I have visited when she wasn't around, I did pretty much figure out that the other two do know un poco de Inglés, but as I've mentioned in past reviews, I like to use these opportunities to be able to fully geek-out with my ghetto Spanish skills. To their credit, he El Paisa folks didn't cluck or chuckle at me for doing so, in fact they responded in kind (slowly, as not to confuse the tragic gringo).

Here's the thing about El Paisa: OH MY GOD! THEIR FOOD IS LIKE, TOTALLY TUBULAR! Yes, that statement does belong in all caps and it's also an homage to how I was the only male Valley Girl in the 6th grade at Lakes Junior High, an age at which I had my first unforgettable experience with authentic, non-Idaho Mexican Cuisine at some long-forgotten dark, sketchy joint near my Aunt's house in San Jose, California. I've been trying to find a chile relleno platter that comapres with that fond, fuzzy memory from so many years ago, but with no real luck. El Paisa finally took me back to that happy place.

Okay, maybe I'd just starved myself to the point of delirium before I dug in, but regardless the dish was bright in flavor and light in texture, unlike some other chewy, burnt-egg tasting chile rellanos I've had the misfortune of suffering through. The cheese was bubbling up from underneath like a molten golden tar pit, and the thick red sauce was a rich puree of fresh-plucked tomatoes, herbs and Mexican spice. Rice is rice and pinto beans sprinkled with cheese are pinto beans sprinkled with cheese, but El Paisa does them really quite nicely, especially with a few generous splashes of their homemade green and red hot sauces (yes, both - why not?).

It escapes me now what exactly Jesi ordered on that maiden voyage to El Paisa, but I do remember she was equally smitten. In fact, separately between the two of us, we've returned nearly a dozen times since and the only minor complaint to arise has been that one day Jesi said the rice tasted "a bit off". Not unlike the hungry, pissed-off Bramha bull on their logo, I've plowed through sweet pork enchiladas (good heck, these were tender, succulent and just the right kind of sweet), taquitos rancheros (I never knew what a taquito could really be until I tried these, served with some sort of amazing ranch-dill sauce), and chicken tacos (made my bland experience with the ones at Atilan's fade into the mist). Fortunately for the Padillas and Co., it seems that I'm not the only one who finds El Paisa so addictively toothsome - on each visit the place seems increasingly more full of fanatic and famished folks.

Each time I've dropped into El Paisa for lunch, including the requisite glass of Horchata, I've ended up pulling less than $7 out of my wallet and have always come away feeling sweetly spent, like the joy synapses located inside both my brain and tummy were recovering from some kind of sublime and intense Mexican-food-gasm. And like various other other kinds of of "gasms", I always feel exactly like rolling over and having a little siesta afterwards.   

The Awakening of Coeur d'Alene - 1981 Vs. 2011

The Facebook group "Old School Coeur d'Alene" can be massively entertaining for folks like me who are fond of yammering on about a time long ago when our town was less prone to artsy-fartsy foofaraw, touristy rattleclap, and those pesky trees and flowers making everyone's allergies flare up. Call me old, and I'll smack you with a Hall & Oates record.

The "THEN" images posted below were swiped from that group's page and landed there Saturday courtesy of Dave Bellamy, who writes, "My dad was on the plannng commission and this still and these pictures were gathered as part of a proposal looking at putting up a cover over the downtown area of CDA. It never panned out but the planning did lead to the downtown we have now." The image on the left is the cover of the proposal pamphlet - love that totally hideous graphic design.

I was nine years old in 1981, and I spent a lot of time riding my bike downtown to waste time looking at records and comic books or hanging the arcade that was next to the Donut Shop on 2nd between Sherman and Lakeside. These pictures sent me into a fiercely aging but highly enjoyable time warp, as they will for anyone who is old enough to have been around at the time. The nostalgia is a ton of fun, but I still rather think that overall our downtown is better than ever here in 2011. What do you think?

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THEN

NOW

Looking east on Sherman Ave from 2nd Street. The JC Penny's block is now the CDA Resort shopping plaza and the new Splash nightclub seems to be located exactly in the same spot where I watched my  mother pick out  bras and shoes before I'd run of to ride the city's only elevator up and down all three stories just for kicks.

The much-beloved, long-kaput Wilma Theater is front and left, now a patch of grass which sits emptier than empty and occasionally showcases expensive boats for one of Hagadone's marine outfits. Notice in all these old pics the complete lack of trees and greenery in 1981 - it's so much more lush now compared to the barren storefronts of back then.

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THEN

NOW

The Iron Horse is still the Iron Horse, but they've significantly improved their facade - the fake train motif was seeming retro and way fugly even in 1981, if I recall. At this point, presciption dolls were the hot thing on 4th and Sherman, since two buildings which sat on that corner held pharmacies, but tastes have apparently changed and now booze served by the Moose Lounge (formerly Wilson's Pharmacy) and coffee served by Java (formerly Hart's Drug) are the mood-altering substances of choice.

Additionally, Mariposa was a woman's fashion store now occupied by Icon night club, which leads me to wonder if any of the fashion styles peddled there thirty years ago, possibly modeled by the lovely gals trying to cross the street on the left of the photo, have managed to cycle back into vogue for the place's modern clientele (mot likely, yes).

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THEN

NOW

In 1989, the Duane purchased this entire block and turned it into "the Shops", a distinctly not-for-bargain-hunters shopping plaza, that is literally attached to his ever-expanding Resort situation. In 1981, the land held, among many other things, JC Penney, Fischer's Western Wear, Marie O'Briens Clothing Store, and the legendary Fore-n-Aft cocktail lounge, which everyone remembers for their faaaabulous ice cream drinks and alluringly dank and smoky, cave-like atmosphere.

I do vaguely remember that odd little covered bench on the corner that was just kind of plopped there for no apparent reason (looks kind of like a bus stop, but there was nothing even slightly resembling CityLink back then). I guess it was just a nice little place to plop down, relax and enjoy a gorgeous view of Lake Coeur d'Alene, a view which is no longer visible now that the concrete grey north wall of the Resort parking garage is the only thing one can get an eye full of from that particular vista.

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THEN

NOW

The place on the lower left is exactly the same, except for a paint job or five. In fact, I think it was a real estate office or something then and it's a real estate office or something now. Long gone is the crumbly little yellow building that held (I think) a print shop, replaced by a wildly imposing bloc of windowless, brick condos. The quaint Chevron gas station at 7th and Sherman has been gone since around the time the gas "inflation" crisis meant that you paid slightly over $1.25 a gallon. Somehow, they managed to fit the Red Rose Hotel on that tiny corner after the gas station was razed, which still exists as the comfortable and severely under-rated Resort City Inn.

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THEN

NOW

Looking west from 6th/5th on Sherman, many of the buildings now are structurally the same as then (although any changes we could see are blocked by trees in the "now" shot), but of course all of the names have changed, the sole exception being the trusty old Camera Corral, which will likely outlive us all.

A few names are visible by zooming into the 1981 image that bring back some warm fuzzy fond memories: Total Eclipse record shop (located in the "5th Avenue Mall"), the Craft and Hobby Store, the Bookseller (corner of 5th and Sherman), the Diamond Shop, Commercial Printing, and Burts Music (the latter two have survived to the present in new locations).

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THEN

NOW

Click and enlarge this one to see what Hudson Hamburgers looked like back when it was a mere 70 years young. "Middle Age Crazy", the lead attraction at the Wilma Theater, was an impossibly obscure romantic comedy starring a late-career Ann Margaret and Bruce Dern with the tagline "There'll be a hot time in the hot tub tonight!" and a not-quite-classic Jerry Lee Lewis theme song. Murder mystery "Eyewitness", with Sigourney Weaver and John Hurt, rates a bit better, but not by much. Still, I'm sure there were worse ways to waste a Saturday afternoon than spending a whole dollar for a double feature, and another dollar on a large, buttery bucket of popcorn.

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THEN

NOW

Corner of Front Street and 4th Street, Facing North. Okay, Bank of America - you look exactly like you did 30 years ago, which for many people is a rare and wonderful blessing, but it really is time for an exterior face lift. I seem to recall that Ace Hardware was maybe a more fun place to shop back then, carrying not just hammers and nails but also toys, gadgets, rubber flip-flops, and hot electronics such as portable 8-track tape players for you to take with you to your favorite hidden Tubbs Hill beach.

Local Noise: Rose Robbins

Name: Rose Robbins

Hometown: Coeur d'Alene

Genre: Pop/Jazz/Trip-Hop/Soul

Influences: Everything But the Girl, Nina Simone, Joni Mitchell, Sarah MacLachlan, Alicia Keys, Tina Turner, Suzanne Vega, Sting, Les Nubiennes, Sade, Seal, Annie Lennox, Enya, Clannad, Pink Floyd, U2

About:
With a voice as warm and haunting as a June evening, Rose Robbins mesmerizes with poetic lyrics and tunes that stay with you long after the last note has died away.

Reminiscent of Sade, Robbins pens music that is throughly modern but with a vintage feel. She has won various awards for her music, including "Best Song of 2004" in the International Online Music Awards, and Top 500 in the Billboard World Song Contest three years in a row.

Press:
"When Rose Robbins walked out on the stage and sat down at the piano, the audience could be forgiven for wondering, just for a moment, what kind of music this slender, delicate-looking woman could produce? Then she began to sing and play with such maturity...and in a voice so stunningly rich and deep that I, for one, was quickly transported far away...." ~ Astoria Review - Peter March

"The last time a female vocalist smacked me this hard on first listen, her name was Baez, and it was back in the early sixties." ~ The Daily Pundit - Bill Quick

Get Out North Idaho Says:
How in the heck did Miss Robbins manage to sneak under our radar for so long? The Sade comparisons are correct, this low-key local diva's voice is pure silk and honey and her jazz-pop arrangements are fetchingly easy on the ears without ever resorting to being cloying or cheesy. Despite her apparent youth, her voice drips with experience and her music production is airy and glistening with a professionalism that's glossy like a sweet, glazed strawberry. Delicious! Light electronics bubble underneath and even a dash of funk occasionally pops in to force toes to tap and heads to bop.

Discography:
Close Your Eyes CD (2005)
Rain (Single, 2007)
Chase the Lonely (Single, 2010)
Sleepy Siren (Single, 2010)
Divide (Single, 2011)

All CD's/Downloads available through CD Baby here.

Links:
Homepage
Facebook
Reverbnation

Music Widget:





Video:

Music Video for "Divide":

Ugly Fish Asian Bistro

Ugly Fish Asian Bistro
1927 W Riverstone Dr.
Coeur d'Alene
208 667 3689

Once upon a time, deep in the darkest dark zone of Osaka Bay, there was a bright young Caulophryne Polynema named Coco LaStrange. All the guys thought Coco had a real great personality and could really be a groovy pal to spend an afternoon fusing bloodstreams together with or watching old re-runs of  "Gimme a Break" (Male Hairy Anglers are well-known for their love of Nell Carter), but none of them wanted to bring her back home to mama's sea-cave and would never consider putting a shiny ring on her tentacle. Sadly, Coco LaStrange was an ugly-ass fish.

So, in an effort to lift her deflated spirits, Coco enrolled herself at the Thousand Fathoms Institute of Totally Fricken' Awesome Asian Cuisine. To make a dumb story short, she graduated with highest honors and went on to open Coco's Ugly Fish restaurant, which garnered ecstatic reviews from the press and three stars in the Michelin Guide.

Celebrity sea creatures and their Remora-like paparazzi would travel all the way from the thermocline in droves in order to ingest one of Coco LaStrange's amazing culinary creations. Now absurdly wealthy, it didn't take long for a handsome young gold-digging Umbrella Mouth Gulper Eel to come along and scoop her off her fin. Our dear Ugly Coco married her enormous-jawed lover and lived happily ever after.

Our deep-sea heroine may or may not have served as an inspiration for the proprietors of Coeur d'Alene's new Ugly Fish Asian Bistro when they were coming up with a name (update: she didn't, I made it up), but if I were to adapt that story into an off-Broadway music, this slightly surreal, mega-funky eatery in Riverstone would be perfect to serve as the backdrop.

Right upon entry, the decor of the place is striking. A softly trickling grey marble waterfall and a wrought iron wall of bubbly circles in the entryway lead in to a room that reminded me immediately of a night-club scene in an old mid-60's Japanese spy film. The retro-futuristic overhead lamps and trippy wave-textured white walls are pure Op Art kitsch and the red velour luxury of the booths and chairs, black linen tablecloths and edge lights that gradually, almost subconsciously, change colors, make Ugly Fish a local dining environment that's literally like no other. It's one I happen to find particularly comfortable, and even the schmaltzy elevator jazz pumping out from the sound system seemed soul-pleasingly loungey.   

The Ugly Fish menu is like a coffee-table art book, pages and pages of kaleidoscopic food pornography, wild fonts and playful layouts, all bound together with a thick textured maroon rubber cover. Those things are big and heavy, like a deluxe-edition Japanese import KISS triple live LP on 180 gram vinyl. There are so many items on the menu, it's a bit mentally exhausting with the weight of possibility. In fact, everything on the menu has an item number attached to it, and in full there are around 150 choices to make.

Let's break down a few highlights:

Appetizers -
Crispy Calamari with Jalapeno  Dipping Sauce ($8) (someone at a table near us ordered this and it was a mouth-watering tower of fried squid rings). Crab Haumaki and Shitaake Mushroom Egg Roll with Spicy Ponzu Sauce ($9). Chilled Drunken Chicken Top with Shave Shao Xing Wine Ice (that one reminds me of an particularization wild date had once back in my '20s).

Chef Signature Items -
Peking Roast Duck with Duck Soup and Walnut Orange Ginger Miso Salad ($32). Black Tiger Prawn with Thai Basil in Kaffir Lime Sauce ($25). Shanghai Wine Red Raised Pork Shank Osso Bucco ($21).

Chef Signature Rolls -
Banzai Roll ($14) (salmon, eel, cream cheese, crabmeat, "bake in dynamite sauce"). Tango in Snow Roll ($14). (rolled white tuna roe, with white tuna, fried garlic, green onion and flying fish roe). Las Vegas Roll ($12) (tempura shrimp, asparagus, spicy tuna, avocado, and mayo sauce).

Traditional Chinese-American favorites such as a three-star spicy General Tso's Chicken ($13),  Cashew Nut Chicken ($12), and Moo Goo Gai Pan ($14) are available in force as well, as are salads, fired rice, hot pots, and desserts. Ugly Fish touches lightly on Thai and Korean cuisines as well, but the sushi is what pretty much takes up the bulk of the menu, and a sushi itch was the main reason a friend and I decided to pull into the quiet corner of Riverstone and meander in last weekend.

Our waitress was enormously considerate and helpful throughout our experience, answering our questions about which items were freshest and finest that day with the encouraging reply "Let's put it this way. Everything you see up there in the chef's cooler was swimming around a few hours ago". Our busboy never let our water glasses get less than 5/8ths full, and when we asked for a couple pints of beer, he told us he couldn't get them for us (not old enough), but he passed our order to our waitress who brought them out immediately. There's a lot of staff running around, and they seem to communicate well.

After gazing starry-eyed at the menu for a while, we concluded that the best option was to order a couple of big "special rolls", a quartet of nigiri-style sushi pieces and split everything up. After we placed our order, we had to have a moment of silence for the late Takara, which was our favorite local sushi place for many years for a lot of reasons. One of them being that they'd always automatically bring out bowls of Miso soup and Sunomono (cucumber vinegar salad) with every order. We missed their presence at Ugly Fish.

Our rolls arrived first, a Rainbow Roll ($11) (assortment of  red snapper, tuna, salmon, and yellowtail wrapped around a basic California Roll) and a Crunchy Roll ($9) (also a California Roll, with the added insertion of tempura shrimp and fried with an exterior layer of tempura.) We didn't keep either around long enough to get to know them intimately, merely made acquaintances - they were simply too tremendously fresh and palate-pleasing to let linger.

We finished our experience with one piece each of wasabi and soy soaked nigiri pieces (Yellow Tail, Salmon, White Tuna, and Blue Fin), and each seemed more rich and butter-melty in texture than the last.  

You've probably gathered by now that Ugly Fish isn't likely to end up in the "Cheap Eats" edition of the Inlander anytime soon. One expects to pay a bit for quality sushi, and frankly, both my friend and I were feeling as suddenly poor as Paul McCartney after his divorce from Heather Mills.

Still, while we weren't able to really delve into the impossible plethora of food dimensions on offer at Ugly Fish (I may do a part two review covering their non-sushi side), we were able to get our sushi fix well taken care of without putting down a completely outrageous amount of cash (the bill came to just around $50) and left feeling full, content, and impressed.

Black Happy: Settin' Dogs on Fire DVD

Coeur d'Alene's legendary Black Happy finally released their "Settin' Dogs on Fire" concert DVD last month and for the band's many fans, it was well worth the wait. The DVD was originally planned for release last winter, in time for Santa to stuff it in all the good kids' stockings, but for whatever reason, delays delayed it.

The film ended up making it's big screen debut at the Garland Theater in Spokane on June 18th with a celebratory release party that prompted one commenter on the band's page to say "Great release big-screen-version! Have to say, incredibly well-miked songs, it's better than any overdub would have been. I hope we see more of y'all 'real soon'."

Future Black Happy reunion plans remain a mystery (a while back I heard rumors about an unreleased song from the archives that was being resurrected and worked on), but in the meantime we have this sparkly document to keep us Pegheads occupied. The live section of the DVD features clips from all five 20th anniversary reunion shows that took place last August, and the footage captures the reinvigorated 8-piece sounding possibly even tighter and shinier than they did back in the olden days.

They might have lost quite a few feet of hair collectively, and the jumping around manically is kept to a minimum, but it's obvious that the months of rehearsal leading up to the shows paid off big time. These guys might be rapidly approaching middle age (sorry, guys - I know the feeling), and most of them dropped out of the professional music biz when Justin Bieber was still toddling around in his designer Huggies, but damn if they don't still know still know how to get a crowd of sweaty thirtyish and fortyish folks partying like it was 1992 all over again.

Personally, I'm fondest of the footage shot at the Knitting Factory in Spokane but that's most likely due to the fact that I was actually there in the audience watching the action happen real time. Try as I might, I can't spy myself in any of the crowd shots, but that's probably a good thing since I was a sweaty, dancing mess, as was the rest of the utterly bananas, mindblown sold-out crowd.

The audiences at the three sold-out Crocodile Cafe shows in Seattle are just as much chanting along and punishing the dancefloor as the Spokane crowds, a testament to how Black Happy's appeal never faded but grew in leaps and bounds. The "behind the scenes" clips of the band and their cohorts that the producers of the video, [NTH]Frame,  slipped in between the concert clips add an enjoyable warmth to the proceedings, bringing home the fact that there was always an element of randomness and humor to the band.

"Settin' Dogs on Fire" also includes a twenty minute documentary about the Black Happy story from the beginning to the end (almost), featuring interviews with the band members and their various associates and supporters, as well as quite a bit of previously unseen and ultimately rare video clips of the band performing and in the studio.  It's engrossing stuff for longtime fans to watch, with trombonist Jay Carkhuff and drummer Jim Bruce providing a lot of the raw facts and brothers Mark and Paul Hemenway (guitar and vocals) providing some comic relief with their "huh, what?" approach to the line of questioning.

The documentary does a smooth job of laying down the Black Happy saga, but a few details about the breakup of the band were omitted. Black Happy fans (and half the band) were confused as heck when, after performing all over the country and hitting some of the highest heights a Coeur d'Alene funk-pop-metal band would ever be expected to realistically hit, they suddenly broke up. Basically, according to legend, it was bye-bye horns, and hello to a leap on the "Seattle Sound" bandwagon.

I remember seeing a little blurb at the time in The Rocket (a much-loved, long gone Seattle music rag) that simply said that Black Happy was over and that a horn-less quartet called Shoveljerk (named after a key track on Black Happy's "Peghead" LP) was currently in the studio working on a new record and had signed to a national label, Capricorn Records.

When their album "Swarm" eventually emerged, it didn't exactly burn up the Billboard 200 chart, in fact it quickly made friends with the budget bin, despite their track "Killing My Buzz" having appeared on the soundtrack to the film "National Lampoon's Senior Trip". Listening to "Swarm" now, it's really not a terrible record, but in 1995 there were just too many dozens of other bands fighting a losing battle for entry into the post-grunge sweepstakes. To me at least, the final irony was that right after Black Happy ended, upbeat rock-funk-punk bands featuring horns like the Mighty Mighty Bosstones suddenly became the new hotness and Black Happy, who helped originate the sound, had missed the proverbial boat.

"Settin' Dogs on Fire" seems to purposefully gloss over the entire Shoveljerk part of the story, never actually mentioning the "S" word even once, and in the interviews, band members still seem a little bewildered and borderline regretful when the subject of the breakup is approached. The documentary ends on a somewhat melancholy note, but ultimately, there is a cheery ending to the story. Nearly 20 years after the band's demise, Black Happy had become local music legends and the ranks of their enthusiastic fan base had swollen. 

So much so that fans rallied hard on Facebook and elsewhere, ultimately resulting in reissues of their albums and the sold-out Seattle and Spokane reunion  concerts documented so colorfully and with love. Even if Black Happy never perform another note together, it's fantastic that their story was finally able to end on the highest of high notes, bringing a much needed sense of resolution to the fans, as well as the musicians themselves.

"Settin' Dogs on Fire" is avaiable for purchase at:
Black Happy Website
The Long Ear (Coeur d'Alene)
4000 Holes (Spokane)
Sonic Boom (Seattle)
Easy Street Records (Seattle)
Wall of Sound (Seattle)


Official Trailer:


Unofficial Fan Videos:






Shoveljerk: "Killing My Buzz"


     

Local Noise: Jawbo

Name: Jawbo

Genre: Rap/Hip-Hop

Hometown:  Coeur d'Alene

Upcoming Gigs:
Viral Versatility Record Release Party
Friday, July 1 @ 9 pm
@ Rendezvous, 216 E. Coeur d'Alene Ave., Cd'A
info


Tidbits:
Jawbo's birth name is Jory Sutton.

Jawbo is currently negotiating a contract with professional boxer Evander Hollyfield's Atlanta-based Real Deal Records, home to Nuwine, Sason and Exhale.

Reverbnation Bio:
"Jawbo is one of the leading artists in the Northwest. Jawbo has been recording music since the age of 14. He has already appeared on many albums including his early 2008 solo album "My Music" as-well as his 2009 group release "Black 17 Northwest Roulette" and many other local and leading artists albums. Jawbo's solo album 'Viral Versatility' will be released in July 2011.

Jawbo has many talented producers and engineers backing him including Squintz Wavbenderz Productions, Riot Division Digital and Risky Division Digital director/video producer. Jawbo is down to colab with any artist about there music and is always looking for financial backers and promoters so be sure to contact him with any questions / opportunities."

Links:
Reverbnation
Facebook

Music:


Weekender Jawbo Feat Squintz Riot & Risky by Jawbo

Breeze Wit a Mack FT KROWN ROYAL & RIOT by Jawbo


Video:

News - Mexican Restaurant No. 44: El Paisa

Sometimes I find myself just sittin' around and wondering: "¿Que Pasa? Why don't we have more Mexican restaurants in this town!" OK, I lied. Didn't we just have three or so new Mexican eateries just swing open their doors?  According to my quick count, taco trucks and fast food included, there are approximately 43 places in the Cd'A-PF-Hayden area to choose from when your brain and tummy gang up on you and say "We need tacos right now". Yes, brains and tummies can speak in bold print.  It does seem a bit like overkill at times, but here's what I say: the more, the más feliz.

Driving up Lincoln Way yesterday en route to a routine colonoscopy, I noticed the sudden un-expected appearance of El Paisa Mexican Restaurant in the strip mall space that Donut House used to occupy (1801 N Lincoln Way). I was like, "say what?!" How did they manage to sneak into town under the Get Out radar and just suddenly open for biz with no warning whatsoever?

So I ran in there today super quick just to grab a couple of take out menus and they told me they'd just opened yesterday. There weren't any customer in the place yet, but the owner and two counter girls greeted me with eager beaver smiles and a warm "hola amigo", so I am anxious to return when I have time to sit down and have a meal. Below is a copy of their menu for you to inspect (click to enlarge). Why there is a goat-in-repose lurking in the bottom right corner, I have no idea, but I do think it's a nice touch.

 

Dangerous Dog Serious Sausage

Dangerous Dog Serious Sausage
108 N 4th St.,Coeur d'Alene
(208) 819-0011

By nature, hot dogs are kind of lighthearted affairs. They're associated with old-fashioned good-time fun such as baseball games, trips to the circus, and thrift store anniversary sales. Or at the very least, a happy lunchtime trip to experience the simplicity of Gittel's 3 for $1.69 hot dogs, fresh from the prongs of the spinny machine, served with ketchup and mustard only.

"My wiener is happy to see you." It's the saying printed underneath a cartoon dachshund on a silly shirt I picked up from St. Vinny's a while ago, but never really felt compelled to break it out of the closet and put it on until I knew we were going on our maiden voyage to the new Dangerous Dog in the former City Perk location behind the Moose Lounge near 4th and Sherman in downtown Coeur d'Alene.

It seemed appropriate, also considering the recent extremely silly controversy involving Rep. Anthony Weiner's wiener being tweeted and flashed all over every news outlet everywhere. Lately, the Wiener/wiener jokes are pulsating through every blog, office, and bar in the nation. This probably doesn't sound quite right to say in that particular context, but right now wieners are way hot.

So, with all the wacky hot dog flapdoodle going on, it's a bit wry that Dangerous Dog uses the tagline "serious sausage". And they're not just dicking around with the idea, either. Twenty two different dog options currently appear on their menu, and each one has something completely unique, creative and sometimes slightly off-the-radar going on. It's obvious that a lot of serious contemplation went into the idea of jazzing up the basic frank and bun arrangement, and all the brain strain apparently paid off.

As I sit here typing, I am currently in a haze of hot dog bliss after consuming a divine Dangerous Dog lunch consisting of the #7, the All Cheese Dog. Cheddar, Monterey Jack, Mozzarella, Cotija cheese, and whole grain mustard all layered nice and thick on a plump wiener on an intensely fresh-baked bun that was soft and doughy on the outside and crispy golden in the center. It was a fantastic way to spend my lunch break and very well worth every penny of the $4 i put into it. Cheese nirvana!

Today was actually my third experience with the Dangerous Dog, and like cheap no-prescription narcotics mail-ordered surreptitiously from overseas, I'm totally hooked. These folks do wonderful, creative things with the blank canvas of a hot dog, and really, downtown Coeur d'Alene kinda got a few notches groovier overall when they decided to open up their doors.

Jesi accompanied me on my first visit to the place last week, and we were captivated right away by the sparse, urban vibe of the interior. Retro 70s chairs, raw plywood floors, the abstract art of neighbor Stevin Scroggins hung high below the exposed, unfinished ceiling. Indie-folk on the radio, and most perfectly, old Pink Panther cartoon on the flat-screen TV (it was still playing the other two times I visited). The place is open and airy, but comfortable and inviting, with the main focus being the huge chalk menu up on the wall behind the counter.

And oh, what a menu it is!A friend had raved gushingly about the #17 Chutney India Dog on Facebook a few days earlier, so I was pretty sure this was the one I had to check out, but with so many frankly bizarre options, the decision wasn't an easy one. The "Around the World in 80 Dogs" segment of the menu is a rotating selection of dogs that incorporate rarely seen ingredients from the culinary globe.

The #19 Chorzipan Argentina (Pork Chorizo, Mayonnaise, Chimichurri, Fresh Salsa) ($6.25) and the #20 Terimayo Japan (Pork Sausage, Teriyaki Sauce, Pineapple, Seaweed, Green Onions, Wasani Mayo) ($6.50) are just plain crazy, but the oddness factor of putting something like seaweed on a hot dog makes them something you'll want to throw down some shock and awe about when you talk about them later. 

Anthony Weiner might appreciate the #10 Naked ("Nothing at all. Your dog flying solo on a bun") ($2.75), but more interesting options abound such as the #14 Lamb Menguez (Artichoke pesto. Kalmata olives, Feta chesse, Lemon Dijonnaise) ($6.75), the #9 Blue Demon (Bleu Cheese dressing, Celery, Carrots, Gorgonzola Cheese, Buffalo Sauce), or the #12 Hippie (Veggie dog, Alfalfa sprouts, Mushrooms, yellow mustard, ketchup) ($4.25).

Jesi was the bravest girl of all when she decided to order the #6 P.B. Dog with peanut butter, sliced bananas, and chopped peanuts. She let me take a bite, and it's actually not as weird as it sounds and somehow the flavors and textures meld together in a unexpectedly right-on way.  Plus, the buns are so just-baked and delicioso, they could spread Shark Testicle Pâté, Vaseline, and sliced kiwis all over a plump wiener inside and it would still be incredible.

The Chutney Dog was the most expensive of the whole bunch at $7.25, and ultimately, it did seem a little wee for the price, but the thing was so cosmically flavorful and exotically enjoyable, I'd likely pay double when the craving strikes again. The mango chutney was house-made and full of sweetness and a terrific bang of spice, the cucumber riata was a bright flavor foil to the intensity of the chutney, the cilantro was a nice, perky touch, and underneath was a Chicken Mango Jalapeno sausage that was enough to make Oscar Mayer start selling his furniture on Craigslist.

Dangerous Dogs are great to go as well, as I found out when Jesi recently brought a #3 Pac Northwest (Cream Cheese, Caramelized onions, house sauce) ($3.75) to me at work at the bar. Advice: don't wear a white t-shirt while eating one of these incredibly tasty beasts, they are messy little buggers. I tried the soda water trick, but to no avail - so I just wore my hot dog stain proudly the rest of the night as a symbol of my love for Dangerous Dog and I just KNOW my customers were jealous.

Dangerous dog also serves ice cream and is open late (midnight weeknights and until 3 am Fridays and Saturdays).    

Local Noise: Flying Mammals

So I've been told recently that I've been a bit lax on the local music coverage. Good point, Midge! In an attempt to rectify this problem, I am starting this: "Local Noise" features that will appear regularly, whenever I get the urge to do so.

There are a LOT more local acts than you might imagine, and I've tried to be inclusive as possible on our Local Music page (also easily accessible on the left side bar). I'm just going to keep these profiles quite simple - just the facts, ma'am. Today's profile is the Cd'A/Spokane trio of brothers known as the Flying Mammals, who seem to be ubiquitous in the area lately, and whom I had the pleasure of seeing play live recently with Goodnight Venus at Mik's. Currently, they are touring Southern California, but make sure to keep an eyeball peeled for upcoming North Idaho/Spokane gigs in July and beyond. Also, keep your eardrums peeled (ouch!) for their uber-catchy single "Go!", which has been receiving airplay on various local radio outlets.

Name: Flying Mammals

Genre: Highly Polished Alterna-Pop/Rock

Hometown: Coeur d'Alene/Spokane

Members:
Aaron Birdsall - Lead Vocals/Bass/Keys
James Birdsall - Lead Guitar/Backing Vocals,
Andrew Birdsall - Drums/Back Vocals

Discography:
Ready Set LP (Audio Jerk Records, 2011)

Press Quote:
“Flying Mammals sounds like early U2!” ~ Glenn Lefay - 95.3 KPND

Influences:
Kings of Leon, The Killers, Muse, Radio Head, Queen, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Cream, Jet

Facebook Bio:
All three brothers, Aaron, James, and Andy, grew up playing music. After living in Chicago for a while Aaron moved to Seattle where he played in various groups. James and Andy stayed in Chicago and played in a band together around the Midwest. Eventually, they all found their way to the Inland Northwest Spokane/Coeur d'Alene area.


Links:
Reverbnation
Facebook
MySpace

Music Widget:




Videos:

Promo Video For New Album "Ready Set"


Live Promo Video for "Go"

Atilano's Mexican Food

Atilano's Mexican Food
218 E. Appleway, Coeur d'Alene
208-664-8176

After extensive and truly difficult  research, self-styled "burrito expert" Cameron Coates has ultimately come to the conclusion that San Diego style burritos are the best burritos in the entire nation. In a 2007 Interview with the San Diego Tribute, Coates was asked, "What defines the San Diego burrito?" His reply was somewhat vague but basically understandable:

I have no idea. I can't figure it out. I think it's that they keep it really simple. They use two or three ingredients and really fresh tortillas -- grilled tortillas, not steamed. But why only here and not in L.A.? In San Francisco and a lot of other towns, they put beans and rice and everything in a burrito and it becomes a mess. It's the restraint, the clarity of their vision.

There seemed to be a lot of ballyhoo in the air surrounding the opening of the new Atilano's Mexican Food in the former KFC building on Appleway in Coeur d'Alene, with foodie know-it-alls suddenly acting like nobody in town had never had a damn good burrito unless they'd had an authentic San Diego style burrito. In fact, during my first chaotic experience at the eatery, on their second full day of business, a couple of strangers ahead of me in line were going on about how their families had relocated to North Idaho at some point and just never managed to find Mexican cuisine quite like what they'd gotten used to back in "America's Finest City".

The gushing comments that occupy the Facebook page originally set up for Atilano's downtown Spokane location (opened last year) is even full of hints that the buzz was something to pay attention to. Sadly, after two meals there myself and witness reports from a handful of others who've braved the throngs of people who've been crowding in to check out the new place, I have to say that I'm a bit baffled by the hype and that ultimately, Atilano's isn't quite the casa de la deliciosa cocina that we were quite expecting.

I've never been to an authentic San Diego burrito mecca, so I can't say with complete certainty how Atilano's compares to one, specifically the physical atmosphere. It's hard to tell if the owners just decided to leave things unfinished for the time being, or if they were consciously trying to emulate a place you might actually find in an especially broke-down, dozed-off section of the barrio.

The exterior is nice enough, with a splashy new yellow and red paint job screaming "we're authentic!", but open the door and walk inside and certain thoughts occur. Who broke into this poor old KFC, stole all the decor, then spray-painted over all the logos with a can of red spray paint? Was it a mad electrician with a fetish for exposed wires? (There are literally open outlet boxes with wires sticking out of the walls in several spots.) Can I still get a "famous" fried chicken, corn and mashed potato bowl and a side biscuit and coleslaw? Other than the employees, the only hint of old Mexico was the tejano music floating through lightly the air, and frankly, the place could use some serious sprucework and love on several levels.

Which leads one toward the hope that they were so concentrated on making fabulous food, that fancying up the raw state of the interior was low on their list of things to do. Both times I showed up, it was clear Atilano's staff was working their nalgas off to crank out the fruits of their massive, all-encompassing menu for the curious, hungry folks standing at least six people deep waiting to order. A dozen or so cooks were working the line behind the counter, and their high-speed frenzy of Spanish shouts and commands helped lend a vibe of excitement and authenticity to an already bananas affair.

Evidently, there wasn't even one moment available for someone to pause for a bit of cleanup time, as the kitchen floor was visibly littered with dirty, stepped-on chunks of meat, rice, and vegetables, which I can't say was the most inviting sight to see. When I made it to the front of the line, the cashier was friendly, but flustered and distracted and I had to repeat my relatively simple order three times as she kept wandering away from the counter as I was ordering (mid-sentence, actually) to tend to some other thing going on.

Perhaps it was just the high level of business giving Atilano's the opening week jitters or something, and I really did want to be awestruck by my lunch, but I came away pretty much unimpressed.

Atilano's menu is basically like this: if it's fast Mexican food, they have it. In fact, it's initially a daunting task to even decide what to get what with several dozen combo meals, around 15 burrito options, a pinata full of side options, and anything one could ever make by randomly combining tortillas, cheese, beans, rice, sauces, lettuce, tomatoes, and you know the rest. It's nice to have some selection, but there is certainly something to be said for simplicity ( I'm looking at you, Taco Loco) when you've got a dozen customers waiting at the counter looking up at the menu board indecisively, holding up the show.

In addition to being open 24 hours a day for those post-tequila-marathon munchie sessions, another noticable perk at Atilano's are the reasonable price points, with most of the burritos in the $3-$5 range and the combo plates all around $7. Curiously, the "salsa bar" consisted of a bowlful of pre-made cups of salsa verde, a bowl of red hot sauce and a scoop but no cups to scoop it into, and some spicy pickled carrots. That's it. Both sauces tasted fine, but in my book, three items does not a salsa bar make.

My initial visit led me to an encounter with some rather bland pork enchiladas, some rather bland rice, and some rather bland refried beans. The corn tortillas (I wasn't given the option of flour) blanketing the enchiladas were chewy and the dish included big chunks of some kind of rather bland green pepper situation, a fact which wasn't mentioned anywhere on the menu. A friend complained to me about this later as well, as she is a green pepper hater and said she was totally "turned of by those gross, slimy things." The chicken hard taco wasn't quite as rather bland only after liberal applications of the salsa verde to cover up for the fact that the chicken inside was, yes, rather bland. Actually, the chicken taco was greasy enough to past muster overall, but I really did drive away with a case of completely-bland-itis.

As I was leaving, I looked again at the Atilano's sign and realized that I might have missed the whole point. "San Diego's Best Burritos" I read, reminding me of what the whole fuss was supposedly about in the first place. I returned a few days later to see if maybe this might be the key to the mystery of the eatery's appeal, this time avoiding the madness of the dining room for a twenty minute long trip through the drive through.

Indeed, their Adobada (Spanish for "marinated") pork burrito was a giant and much tastier affair. Still, it did vary from the expert's description at the beginning of this review by utilizing a steamed, not grilled burrito, which didn't really hold up well and made for a sloppy mess as I dripped its contents all over my desk, floor, and self when I got it home. It wasn't at all rather bland, in fact the flavorful, rich pork, beans, potato chunks, and pico de gallo came together in a pretty okay, "maybe this place isn't so terrible" kind of way.

It's hard to besmirch the good name of tater tots, and they didn't, but when they are sold under the guise of "mexi-fries", one expects a few sprinkles of seasoning instead of just Plain Jaunita specimens. Still, after all was said and done, the highlight of both meals was the large cup of delicious horchata, a staple Mexican sweet beverage that's irritatingly hard to track down in this area.

About 5/8 way through my Adobada burrito, I felt a sudden attack of an "oh God, I'm uncomfortably full", not-so-fresh feeling that sent me straight to the couch, where I felt the need to recover for the rest of the evening until crawling into bed with a case of the ughs still lingering. I woke up the next morning with a tummy that was still quite iffy and wanted to print up a souvenir tee-shirt which read, "I survived the the Great Atilano's Bloat of 2011".